Happy Holidays!

Most might say they can't believe it's already Christmas with 2009 right around the corner. I can. I feel this year has been more than full, and so I thought I should write a blog while I'm up as it just may be my last one this year. We'll see. But just in case . . .

I know this year has felt full mostly due to my personal desire to be present in evey moment, at least as much as possible. This was a lesson I learned earlier this year and it is now I gift I try to give myself everyday. Making the choices to take care of me while I take care of family has been very helpful in sustaining and nurturing my happiness and health.

With Kenna in our lives, there is more than enough action and adventure, laughter and enjoyment. So everyday feels like many days . . . all in a good way. I certainly feel blessed as I reflect on this year for me and for us as a family. Kenna has really grown in all aspects this year, and we've enjoyed the experience. She says all kinds of words and has all kinds of attitude. I am looking forward to more (I say this now, right!). I am also looking forward to family visits and spending time together to create even more memories.

So, with just one more week of work left, I plan to kick it into a higher gear and get my cards and letters out. I've started! I'm also inching toward getting back to doing things just for myself (ahhhh, and I need this!). So I'm hoping I can make some cool jewelry pieces and get some sewing done while on break. Wish me luck! I can say that Matt has had a busy year, and with the economic situation where it is, I am hopeful things will turn out well. Regardless we're together.

Trick or Treat!

Kenna had a great time on Halloween this year. She went as a giraffe and she was absolutely the cutest!!! (yes, I am biased and not ashamed of it!) Although she didn't quite get the concept of what you do and what you get (the latter part . . . well, Matt and I are not complaining!), she did seem extremely intrigued about why everyone stood outside and walked about. Walking and exploring is what she enjoys most now, especially to get to wander around. She'd walk miles if I let her.

For me, what I don't think impacted her at all was how everyone had costumes on. I think she thought her giraffe costume was like a coat or warm jumper. She didn't notice she had a tail or ears on her hood. Fortunately, seeing kids dressed like various super heroes and scary monsters had no impact. She wasn't even hesitant to touch a woman who had blood trickling from the corner of her mouth (she was a lady vampire) with a pale face. It just didn't seem odd to her.

She carried her pumpkin bucket and walked around all evening until time for bath and bed. Matt's parents were here visiting, and I think they had a wonderful time seeing her and walking with her. The neighbors convened as is our ritual in the drive next door. I spent most of my time with K, not that I minded, but I did miss the gossip and catching up with the neighbors. This is usually the last time we hang out before we all hibernate for winter.

Unfortunately, we didn't get much in the way of photos. I keep thinking I might put her costume on again and just take some anyway to have more. She was so cute!!!

Finally . . . almost back to normal!

I've consistently been astounded at how similar Kenna and Matt are to one another. Their personalities are like mirror images, and I have to giggle every time I see a nuance of Matt in some new behavior of K's.

Temper - this is the first that comes to mind. She is as impatient for anything. Everything has to be now and my way. Now, I'm not saying that Matt demands things now or his way - that is actually far from the truth. The when and how she reacts are what are most strikingly similar to her daddy. First try . . . second try . . . AURGHHHH!!! scowl on the face, frown. The only move she hasn't mastered like her jedi father is the circle dance and the waving of the fists to follow. Yes, the force is strong with this padowan.

Brute force and Bam Bam - I remember the son of Betty and Barney Rubble (Flintstones) named Bam Bam. He never knew his own strength and was always hitting things. Again, Matt doesn't go around whacking things at random. That said he lacks grace and tends to walk heavily, close doors and drawers with a bang and toss objects into bins like they are all pieces of lumber regardless of its fragile nature. Kenna is very similar. She likes to bang cabinet doors and drawers, whack her toys on the coffee table (yes, I've accepted that the furniture we've pruchased will not retain its pristine appearance for long), and walks as if she's a giant among ants. (Side note . . . Kenna's molars are almost all in now so the drool is profuse. She loves to eat but hasn't quite mastered chewing with her mouth closed always. Thus, drool stains or bits of food are always on my clothes or pillows or florr now a days - sigh. I'm sure I'll eventually adjust to supressing my OCD-like tendencies to follow her around with spot cleaner and paper towels :))

Perhaps it is because I grew up in a very quiet house where we were expected to walk softly and close things gently that this stands out to me more than it should. But I do find it funny how much their personalities and manners are so similar. She is her father's daughter.

About 8 weeks later, Kenna is finally seeming to recover from her long bout of cold/infection and congestion. We're close to being consistent with the sleeping through the night again - I keep telling myself to hang in there. I think the second type pf antibiotics helped, and I'm sure she's a tougher kid for it. Today was picture day at school, so I am waiting to see proofs. I put her in a denim dress - too cute. She hated it. The dress was long enough that she had difficulty not stepping on it when trying to stand (scream). The shoes were stiff (not really meant for walking, I think, so I'm sure she hated that too. She did look adorable though. I had her teachers change her right after pictures to make sure she was comfortable.

Last week we had a terrible wind storm here in town. Several folks lost power and some are still without over a week later. Luckily, we had left town for Hilton Head Saturday evening and missed the whole thing. Our neighbors lost power for 3-4 days and fortunately no home was damaged too badly. Our good friends let us know that the house was ok, and we decided to wait things out a bit longer and stay at the beach and in the cool AC down in SC. We came back to a messy yard and big tree limbs strewn across our yard. After a day of cleaning the fridge out and restocking we set out to clean the yard. Needless to say, we've increased our supply of firewood for the winter. My OCD kicked in and I cleaned out the entire pantry as well and re-organized Kenna's toys and closet to get her ready for winter and reduce clutter. Ahhhhhh, that felt sooooo good!

Our Baby's Walkin'!!

I showed up to the school, and the first thing Miss Tiffany said to me was, "I was so excited today when I saw Kenna walking!" She explained that Kenna repeatedly made attempts after falling after 3 or 4 steps. Not patient but persistent! That was the best part of my day all together! Honestly it has been a bit rough lately, and I would say most of it is due to the lack of proper rest I have been getting since Kenna is still congested. And what a thrill I had when I heard this great news!

A funny story I will share is that Matthew and I had been betting for a while on when she would walk. The bet started back in early July when she was doing well holding on to two hands for support while walking. I had the under on 4 unassisted steps by the 3rd week in August. You know we're both engineers so we had to make sure a step was defined in detail; otherwise someone could declare victory on a technicality. She has been progressing so well that I felt like it just might happen. She had become more and more steady moving from 2 hands to 1 hand to 1 finger. That whole week I would try and let go, but she would freeze every time. It was like she knew she wasn't quite ready. When that week came to its end, we declared for a new time line. I took the over this time on before the 15th of September (the first week of our planned holiday). Inside when I took the under I actually said to myself, "She'll likely need less time since I'm betting for more." Sure enough, here we are with an almost steady walker in our midst!

She isn't totally steady, taking about 6 steps before stubbling at her longest pace. The smile on her face is simply magical and purely happy. Now I guess it is when the bumps and bruises really begin! Look out world; here she comes!!

The gift of family

I have always been amazed at how quickly time can pass you by, and so I've made every attempt to be a part of every minute in a quality way with Kenna and Matt. Needless to say, that has left little time for blogging. It just seems to be one of those easy choices, and I'm glad I have the option. :)

So what's been going on?! Let me catch you up to speed.

Kenna had a wonderful first birthday with family and friends in town. My sister Yun came to visit for two whole weeks, and my brother Sung, his girls Katelyn adn Kylie and my mom came up for a little over a week as well. Matthew's mom and dad brought Kenna's great-grandmother Frances down for a few days, too! Matt took a couple of days off, and I had the best vacation ever with just having family here and being able to relax and laugh together.

Kenna had a great time getting to know everyone, especially my sister. Some of my best memories are of Yun and Kenna antagonizing each other. Well, it was more Yun antagonizing Kenna, but you could tell Kenna really enjoyed it. Honestly, I was thrilled to have an extra set of hands and eyes to keep on Kenna, so Yun was a HUGE help! We swam in her little pool, and took her shopping and went for walks. Kylie and Katelyn were fabulous in helping too. They were great in walking Kenna around - being closer to Kenna's height I'm sure it was easier on their backs than mine and Matt's. Still Kenna has her favorites, and sometimes only mommy will do.

Sung was awesome and took some wonderful photos, and I could tell mom was so happy to see how big Kenna had grown and how healthy she is. It was sad that dad could not come up as well, but he was needed to mind the business and it was a hard choice. We went to KI, rode roller coasters, some saw the Reds play, shopped, and ran around. I was so proud of Kylie who rode some really big coasters with us. Each night we watched movies and I must have gained 10 pounds from all the cooking - fabulous!! I am truly grateful for the wonderful time we had together as a family!

For Kenna's brithday we had a bit of a bean feast - cupcakes, pretty marshmallows, petty iced cookies, a big two-tiered strawberry and white chocolate torte, and an ice cream bar. It was funny to watch the cupcakes trying to rise in the oven; they looked defective like weird mushrooms. Thank goodness for icing! Kenna wore her pretty pink dress and didn't hesitate to dip her finger in her cupcake for a taste. She even tolerated her birthday hat (what we parents do!). With friends gathered around, it was a great feeling!!

After the birthday, Kenna had her one year check up and began to transition to formal day care. She finally came on the charts at 90% height, weight and head. LOL! Now she wears sizes 2-3T, and I'm really hoping we can stretch some of these clothes into next spring too (fingers crossed!). Ah, who am I kidding?! I would enjoy shopping for more clothes, even if they aren't for me! I can't lie. It's Matt who has his fingers crosses more than I! :)

Kenna's first day at daycare was a few hours in an afternoon. She actually fell alseep on the way, so hanging out with her became a mute point. Funny part was she woke up about 10 minutes after Yun and I left. Yes, she cried and was so glad to see us when we came back. We did this for the next couple of days leaving her there longer and longer each day. Overall, I think it's the best way to help transition, as by the end of the second full week she no longer minded us walking away.

I was sad when everyone finally departed. Matt's parents and grandmother, my mom and Sung and the girls and then eventually my sister. Admittedly I cried when I rode the escalator up and away from security with Kenna after seeing Yun off. It never seems to amaze me how hard not having family close by is day to day.

Kenna has been enjoying day care. Almost every other day she makes something creative like painting pictures and noodle art and sand art (yes, layers of colored sand in a bottle!) and vases and on and on. Honestly these would be things I would likely never break out as crafts for a 1 year old, but that just goes to show me what I know. I've been really impressed with the staff and the activities they plan, and most importantly she seems to really like her teachers Ms Carolyn and Miss Tiffany. The one thing that hasn't been so great . . . the cold she caught on day two. Runny nose for a month now, and both of us on anti-biotics for sinus infections (sacastic yeah!). I hear ya, all you moms that are telling me how great and immortal her immune system will be in 3 years of whatever! Now, not so great with the gooey nose and the congestion that keeps her and us/me from sleeping well. Interestingly, she's the youngest kid in her class room and the only one without a hardcore vice (blanket or pacificer). The thumb still goes in at nap time.

Kenna has certainly become quite the adventurer. We always knew she seem to have no fear. Recently she has taken to opening drawers and doors and emptying the contents on the floor. Sometimes she'll put them back. She wants to climb every chair and dive off like a pro. Maybe we should not have watched so much of the Olympics? :) And she is sooo ready to walk on her own. And I am sooo ready for her to walk on her own too! I know. I know. Almost every parent tells me I don't know what I'm saying, but in this case I do! Her walking and me watching vigilantly is better than her walking with me and my back bent over watching vigilantly. See, the difference is subtle but one involves no back pain.

Her vocabulary is growing as well. So in addition to "ma-ma/mi" and "da-da" and "uh-oh" and "no," she nows says "ball" and "up" and "bye" and "hi."

Kenna is no stranger to bumps and bruises. She rams into every piece of funriture like she's a bumper car and seems to like to head butt people. She also watches MMA and UFC with me and likes to whack people in the face. I told the daycare she is a bit "heavy handed", and now they are working on "easy" and gentle" patting. Some days she does well, and others not so much. So as much as I dress her in pink and frills, I think she's a rough and tumble kind of gal.

Now, we're in the process of weaning her off bottles . . . down to just 1 at night!! We're almost there!

Patience is not her virtue . . .

Not surprisingly, Kenna inherited her father's patience. Given she cannot speak yet . . . we've been working on "tree" which sounds like "che" and "light" which sounds like "aught" . . . she tends to scream when frustrated. Her tolerance for not getting her way is identical to the time it takes a porsche to travel from 0 to 80 mph (about 0.6 sec). For those of you who are laughing now, this brief wink of time is not long enough for you to try and figure out what it is she was trying to do, or more accurately trying to manipulate you to do and you realizing you've failed to deliver on her expectations.

Tense body pose and scream . . . "ok, ok," I say. Can you hold your horses?! Geez . . .

Usually, the scream occurs because she wants whatever you have (food, cell phone, book, pen, etc.) or because she now wants assistance with walking. Here she knows that she cannot do it on her own, but doesn't want to crawl which she can do very proficiently now. Some may say that she doesn't want to crawl on her own because of rug burns on her knees (she is rather fluffy). Some may say it's because she is excited about the new experienced and point of view as she walks. Nah . . . what I say is that she is trying to manipulate me - and I bend like bamboo.

Our approach has been to put out finger to our mouth and say, " Kenna, let's whisper; we don't scream; no screaming." Or we try to redirect her attention to something else. Does it work you ask? Well, I feel it is too early to say, but I'm sticking with it for now. And perhaps ear plugs will be on my holiday wish list. ;)

She still continues to be that exceptionally happy kid who is eager to experience everything. Fearless! I'm glad for that! I will also say that it means constant vigilence when it comes to stairs as she tries to go head down. Too funny.

We're looking forward to family coming in town at the end of the month for the big birthday. Who knows . . . by then she may know a word or two and the screaming may subside. That's likely wishful thinking on my part.

This is what they mean . . .

This past moth has been absolutely amazing!! Kenna has really developed so quickly - wounded soldier crawl to really crawling to really crawling quickly to pulling up and now taking steps (with assistance). I'll try and get pictures of this up soon. She mimicks (watch out!), shaking her head no as if she knows what that means, claps and almost sits through the whole Happy Feet movie. Most of this physical development happened in less than two weeks - honest! And yes, she is now wearing 2T-3T clothes. I guess this is what they mean when they say they grow so quickly.

Kenna has been busy learning and exploring. She also seems to have a bit of a fearless attitude - rarely hesitating when she wants to move from the tile down a step into the living room. She goes belly down, head first, like a pro. Somehow I believe this is foreshadowing what is to come - many, many bumps and bruises. Time to put the baby gates up!


No more hair barettes!! At least for a little while . . .
We recently had a bit of scare when Kenna swallowed a hair barette this past Sunday evening. Dad was home and forgot to take it out of her hair before she went down for her nap. I had to get out for a bit. When she woke (~6:15 pm), she must have pulled it out and put it in her mouth. Matt went in to change her and she swallowed and began to choke. She couldn't breathe for several seconds and Matt took action to quickly check her mouth and then when he didn't see anything he turned her over and tried to pat her. This must have helped to move the pin down past her wind pipe and into her esophagus. There it stayed, and she was able to breathe again. Whew!

When I walked in the door, she was crying hard with daddy, and he was shaken. We left immediately for the Urgent Care at Children's near by. The X-ray (~6:40 pm) showed the pin right below her shoulder blades in her esophagus. They sent (~7:10 pm) us down to Children's ER downtown, where we waited to get into the OR for removal. Because the pin had a plastic piece (decorative piece of candy), they were concerned of tears and blockage. It was too large to pass on its own into her stomach like many items kids swallow --> thus, surgery.

No promises of not having cut - they were not sure how much blockage there would be and said they may have to cut her throat to ensure she can breathe during the surgery (~12:05 am). Fortunately, they were able to go in through her throat and extract the pin without having to do any cutting. They looked for damage - scratches and scrapes and no tears = good! Whew! We needed to watch for signs of a missed tear or infection for the next 24-48 hours. She . . . we were exhausted . . .and finally got to come home after her evaluation post surgery (~3:00 am).

The next day, Matt and I stayed home to watch her. She was uncomfortable, groggy and needy, and certainly doing well. By Monday afternoon one could hardly tell she had been through so much trauma. The neediness is still there today, but frankly I don't mind. I need the hugs, probably more than she does right now.

The amazing part is that you realize that no matter how vigilant you are or how careful you try to be, things like this can happen in the blink of an eye. I know it'll be a long time before I feel ok about putting a barette in her hair again, and I'll also feel less comfortable leaving her alone in the room for just that brief moment to go and grab whatever. I am thankful that she is alright now. Matt and I are still recovering and will likely be for at least the next week or so.

With Kenna's adventurous spirit and being imperfect parents, I am sure we'll have more stories coming, and I'm so thankful this one had a happy ending.
Love to you all!

Faster than a speeding bullet . . .

Everyone has always mentioned how quickly little ones grow. Before you know it, they're smiling back at you. Then one day they are crawling, walking and talking. The next thing you know, you've almost forgotten how small they started off, how light they were, and how incredibly fragile they seemed to be. Well, in Kenna's case, she wasn't small for long and she never seemed quite fragile. And it seems she'll be walking befor too long (she's pulling herself up and working on the leg coordination now). And I still remember how small she was and when she first smiled at me.

She's become so aware now. I say this more because she seems to know what she can and what she cannot do. She knows when she can't pull herself up and yet wants up, so she turns to me and extends her arms as if to say, "hey, lady, a little help here please." She just seems to get things that are in process. So when she's about to eat and I'm cutting up food for her, she waits until I have the little bits on her tray. When I'm making her bottle, she knows that there is mixing and assembly and then finding a dribble towel and then sitting in our chair before she gets her snack. It is amazing to me that she gets it all like she understands that there is always a process to things happening around her.

That isn't to say that she has patience. She is still her father's daughter. ; ) Speaking of which, she called him "Da-da-da!" this morning (Father's Day). You should have seen the smile of his face!

I'm glad we take pictures, so I don't forget these times as quickly. And still I also know that I keep them locked in my personal memories too.

Below are are some pictures of Shivani Kori and Kenna. Shivani is the daughter of our good friends Arun & Mamta. These were taken at Michelle's bridal shower.
Enjoy!

Sqirmy Wormy makes diaper changing fun!

So she flips now. Not only does she flip but she also flops . . . and reaches and grabs and pulls every diaper out of the basket next to her changing table and then tries with quickness to crawl away before I can get the diaper on her sweet, little koondingy (that's Ko for "butt"). Forever gone are the days I could lay her down and change her causally, taking time to align the little tabs evenly on each side of Cookie Monster or Elmo's picture, throw away the dirty diaper, wash my hands and return to see her smiling and waiting to be picked up. Now she's twisitng as I try to remove the dirty diaper, squealing "FREEDOM!!!" and trying to crawl away like she's being chased, giggling.

She crawls now, too! Some babies start off with the army crawl - arms moving while they drag their little legs trying to avoid the sniper fire overhead. Kenna has more of the wounded solider crawl - she drags one leg and one arm as though she's been shot in battle. It's not the prettiest crawl, but she certainly gets where she wants to go. That is, she goes until she would rather be carried. That's my job - Kenna's beck and call girl.

Four more teeth coming in (front on top), and she's taking it like a trooper. She claps her hands and is learning to pull herself up. Her first word that seemed more than random babble and like she meant it was "Oma" (that's Ko for "mom"). She was calling for me as I was leaving for work yesterday and leaving her with a caregiver. Sigh. . . . it was the first time I did feel that yearning to just say, "to hell with work; I'm staying home with my baby!" whereas most days I'm like, "ok, Baby, see you (kiss)!" So, now I guess she knows me as oma/mama.

Several firsts in the last months, and we're excited for more. Can't wait for the family to come for her first birthday this July!

The Glamorous Life . . .

Children's picture places . . . I don't know how these places can employ people without offering some sort of therapy. There is always running and yelling and crashing of something going on. Flash! Flash! Flash! "Waaaaahhhhh!" begins to cry the 2 year old because he wants the ball now. I cover Kenna's ears and tell her that the boy is crying because he hurt his toe. And like magic . . . these photographers and "stimulizers" (that's what I'll call the people who hop around the photographer and try to get the kid(s) to smile) jockey for position to capture just the perfect pose . . . you know, the one that makes you forget what a little hellion you've got because they look so cute and innocent in the photo. It's a split second in time when the child simply looks pure. The cynic in me can't help but to think of Fight Club the movie with Brad Pitt and Ed Norton. If you look closely at the beginning of the movie, Brad Pitt (Tyler Durton) who plays the mischievious alter ego makes flash appearances here and there. I look around at these kids and I can see the flashes of little Tylers here and there. Goodness gracious!



Fortunately, Kenna's a good kid. She has realized that she can holler to get attention. We'll have to work on that, but for the most part she really is good. I thought it would be nice to dress her up for pictures. She barely fit into the dress I bought (whew!) although for a moment I thought I might have to cut it off her. Side note: they should make the zippers go down further on the back. She wore the locket from her Grandma McConville, the bracelet she got from her Great-Grandma McConville and the diamond ring from Matt and I. Yes, I know my kid has alot of bling! My favorite picture is with her eating her hands. It looks great in black and white! Less than a year old and she has more pictures than I have in my lifetime . . . ah the glamorous life!

Kenna's 1st Easter!

One of the best things about being the grown up is that you can do silly things to your kids when they are young and they seem to colude in the silliness with you. You take the pictures so that when they are older you can show them you can say, "Awwh, look how cute you were!" Cute seems to be the term we use to describe just about everything with kids.

Kenna is such a tolerant kid, lucky for us! She seems to enjoy wearing bunny ears and funny hats and has great bed head every morning (she's really fidgity and likes to rub her head against the bumpers in her crib). Most importantly, she's a very happy kid!

We spent Easter morning enjoying a brunch over at out neighbors' Julie and Jarrod. They have a four year old son and a new born little girl. There were other friends and neighbors there with their children, including three of us who had the token bunny ears for the day. Cute! Great food and great friends . . . nice way to start out the morning. The latter part of the day, we spent enjoying the living room floor and talking with my friend Sylvia who came by for a visit. Kenna is getting really proficient (yes, I used that word) at rolling around all by herself. Often times, I'll leave her with her toys and come back a few moments later to find her 2-3 feet from where she started and often tunred the other way. She looks up at me and smiles as if to say, "I wasn't going far, mom, just over here" or "I really wasn't up to anything."

We also drove down the day prior to the holiday to visit my parents in the big KY. It was so great for them to see the kid and have some time together! They both could not believe how big she is now (likely creeping up on 23 lbs - and yes, somehow I feel my arms should look bigger from holding her.) and really enjoyed how interactive she is now. It's too bad the visit had to be so brief, but it was nice to see them.

Well, enjoy the pictures (to the side and below), and I hope to hear from you all soon!

Didn't know my own strength . . .

With my mind on a million and one things I hoisted myself up to get out of my car and WHACK! My head hit the door frame and jolted me back into my seat. OUCH! Yes, it hurt . . . and I proceeded to go back into the office to finish my day. Little did I know my brain had begun to swell - concussion.
I rubbed my head as I sat across from my boss, my last meeting of the day. "Are you alright?" he asked. "I hit my head, but it's nothing. Just a headache now." We chatted on. I began to sweat. I began to feel like I wanted to throw up. "Just so you know I'm not feeling right." I said. "I feel slightly nauseous." We kept talking. "I began to sweat even more. I could feel the blood rushing out of my head. I was going to be sick. I held my hand up . . . "We've got to stop. I think I'm going to be sick." "Should I drive you home?" "No, I'll be ok." I tried to keep a straight face and got up to go to the restroom.
I asked my friend Mary to follow me home, tears now in my eyes from the pain in my head. She immediately responded. I called Matt and tried not to get him to panic - yeah, right. good luck there. Gina was okay to keep Kenna. And then there's me, trying not to inconvenience anyone. I let Mary talk me into letting her drive me home.
On the way out the door and home I got sick a few more times and finally agreed to let Mary take me to an Urgent Care center near by. My head felt like it was going to explode. What's happened here?" the nurse asked. After explaining, they brought me to the back room, where I kept getting sick. Matt was on his way, and so were the EMTs to take me to the nearest hospital. Rush, rush, rush . . . but everyone was really nice.
Once I got to the hospital, they admitted me and put me on an IV - anti-nausea medication . . . better. I had a Cat Scan and pain medication . . . "what's that brown floaty thing over your head, honey?" giggle, giggle. I felt better. Results = no apparent brain damage. Coup and countercoup (giggle, giggle). That's what happens when you hit your head and your brain jolts forward (smack) and then backwards (smack). Delaudanum in my IV (giggle, giggle), I'm feelin' mighty fine. Conk, I'm out like a light.
Under observation for two days, I slept. Matt had to make sure I was myself and wasn't showing any signs of not being msyelf ; ) . That would mean that my brain might have started bleeding and I would have to go back in. I was a bit delayed but felt good by Friday enough to go back to work. Wish I had a cooler story, like I was sparing with Chuck Liddell and he got a lucky hit in or something like that. At least I know I'm strong enough to knock myself out.

Which came first?

And here I am again at 5 something in the morning . . . having been up since 3. I wonder if I'll ever return to normal sleep again. I wonder if my voice will ever return back to the way it was again. Or am I doomed to late night blogs and never again to sing Karaoke?! There goes my back up career!

And in the cavern that is my mind a multitude of ramdom thoughts whirl into view . . . how could I get Matt to buy me a dog? . . . should I try to plant sugar snaps this year? . . . I should feed birds more often. . . .why haven't we figured out a better way of communicating at P&G? . . . I need a new pair of black heels . . . . Kylie's birthday is coming soon . . . can't forget to send that e-mail - don't forget, don't forget, don't forget . . . ok, I'm likely to forget . . . oranges . . . I haven't had one in a while. . . I like them . . . Is orange the only color that is also the name of a fruit? . . . perhaps . . . then which came first, the color or the fruit?

The latter is the most cohesive thought I can muster. Maybe I should blog, and here I am. Somedays I am simply two steps away from dementia.

A Night Out for Mama & Papa - UFC 93, Baby!!!

Saturday night Matt and I drove up to Nationwide arena to witness UFC 93!!! What a fantastic evening we had!! Similarly to the NIN (Nine Inch Nails) concert there was a particular genre of attendants. Unlike the the many body piercings, many of this evening's attendants were textbook examples of what happens to you when you take HGH. For the most part there were regular sports fans, and then there were those who want others to know that they are really into it - body building, sparing . . . whole nine yards. I was amazed some guys heads didn't explode.

We had great seats in the first row above the octagon looking down into it. We could see every blow and all the people. Then shortly after the first two matches we were able to move to get seats right above ground about 35 yards away from the ring. We sat between the aisles where fighters entered and exited the arena, so it was really cool to be able to see them all coming and going. Matt's friends from college were with us and they were certainly making a scene - everyone could not stop laughing at their antics and funny dance moves.

Being the addict I am, I bought a program and some shirts and really hung out to enjoy the fights. I made calls on all the fights and called every winner for the night. Maybe I should have gone to Vegas. : ) Check out the below pictures. I ran out of batteries early on : ( so I didn't get as many pictures as I would have liked. Still the experience was phenomenal, and I hope to go again when the opportunity arises.

What's your is mine. Didn't you get that memo?

Kenna has developed so fast. She is now approaching 21 lbs and seems very eager to be mobile on her own. One of the latest new manners she's taken on appears when I want to eat or drink something. Even though she has just consumed a full bottle and had her fruit and cereal, she notices that I now have something I am eating - a bowl of cheerios, perhaps. She'll turn and smile to me and then open her mouth patiently like one of those little baby birds. I'm thinking, "You're kidding me, chica. You just ate." But hunger is not the point. If I don't quickly break off a piece of what I've got and shove it in her mouth, she does her frunstrated squeal "Uummmm." This is her manipulating me ; ) and I willingly concede defeat. "Here you go." She smiles and gums the food down. She'll do this until she sees I'm not longer eating, smiling at me with every bite and sip of juice. Who knew she liked pad thai?! I'm glad she's an adventurous eater, actually loving peas. I seem to realize that she believes what is mine is hers, and that I should have received that memo some time ago.

I have tried on two occasions to eat, holding the bowl behind her head and taking bites without tinking the spoon on the bowl and trying to chew softly even pausing when she turns to look at me. Apparently, she gets suspicious. I finally said, "This is ridiculous. I shouldn't have to hide my ravioli." Getting with the program, I now resort to making sure what I have can be broken into small pieces and I share. Perhaps I'm teaching her a lesson of sharing that she'll practice as she gets older. Or perhaps she'll think that it's always others who need to share with her since I never try to drink her bottle or taste her green beans.

Nocturnal activities . . .

Somehow I thought my being up all night would be due to elaborate partying or being frisky with my mate . . . Amazing how I feel so exhausted and yet so excited that I might get a chance to cuddle with K-town for a moment in the middle of the night! Yes, I am crazy, AND it's true! It isn't the first time I've been up since 2:00 am, my last midnight cuddle with Kenna. So what if it's because she's wet and so what that I need 8 hours of sleep or I have trouble remembering to wear matching shoes before I rush out the door to work?! I still get a brief quite moment of just me and her. I still get her head resting comfortably on my shoulder before I lay her back down for bed.

It's the middle of the night, and I'm watching the most beautiful snow fall outside the window and listening to Kenna breathly softly through the monitor. I thought I would be frustrated for not being able to sleep, which in the past has been the case. But this morning in this moment I feel fortunate that my life is what it is, that I am up in the middle of the night, that I feel at peace on the inside.

My coming out . . . I am a mom!!

Interestingly I never thought I would say "I am a mom!" I never thought I could live up to the expectations I had in my mind of what it takes to be a good mom. Today I say, "What the hell!! I am a mom, and I think I'm pretty darn alright!" Afterall, Kenna seems happy and healthy, and the joy she brings to our lives now is more than I could have imagined! That said, I still feel I lead two lives . . . I'm still the driven corporate chica would can crack a whip and unleash the wrath when she needs to and . . . I've become this soft, nurturing, sappy mommy person who gets the biggest joy when I hear Kenna laugh and see her smile.

So perhaps I would say, this is my coming out . . . I am ready to embrace this dual personality. When I'm with Kenna, I am mommy to the core of my being. Now when I'm at work I am . . . da, da, da, da dahhhh . . . undercover mom, designing fabulous beauty products for people around the world! Today it's a dirty diaper and the end of split ends and blemishes! Tomorrow, who knows what challenges my days will bring!